$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
