Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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