dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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