i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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