Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He kissed a someone with a penis
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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