I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize