thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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