Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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