On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
