So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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