Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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