The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.