This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
That accounts for only three of the penises
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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