How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
