it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize