you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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