I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
