I want to make a zoo with you.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer