You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
