I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
