One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
it's great music for shaving your balls
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
