he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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