This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
