May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
