I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
