Just mADE A PArabola og urine
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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