wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
