HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
