I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
