So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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