You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize