Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
