Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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