Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
