wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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