DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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