Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
