i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
