Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
