Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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