He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
