dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
