I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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