I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
