conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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