can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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