It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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