I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
