Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
