I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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