She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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