i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize