Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Such a big mess for such a small penis
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
