ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
