So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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