We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
