remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
