We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
