look no pants
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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