I don't usually arrange sex via text message
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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