dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
