Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
