My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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