I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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