So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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