I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
