Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
