the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
