Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
