And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize