Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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