But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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