This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
