Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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