I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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