i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
