wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
