we have pet lesbian snakes
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
