I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
