My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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