My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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