I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
