chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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