I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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