Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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