i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
