The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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