Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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